Maulan na umaga

Ngiti by Ronnie Liang - playing over the kapitbahay :] brings back memories, again... ... ...

umuulan na naman??? ay ang sarap talagang matulog... bad trip... may homework pa naman si Rachel... tsk... tsk...

July 2 2011

On this same day last year, July 2 2010, God has blessed my life with an unexpected person. Indeed he came to me as a surprise. It was such a fairy tale experience that came true. I suppose on this day thru God's infinite mercy was telling me, "My child in this lifetime I also wanted you to feel happy, to feel how it is like, to feel how it is to be loved and cared of by someone, something that is genuine, from the bottom of his heart, something grand, to experience such a wonderful feeling even for a short period of time." The Lord was just about right. I am truly grateful for the gift that on this day last year he made me feel very special by blessing me with him. I can never dismiss the fact that it was real, that I was loved. It was pure bliss.

The experience was different compared to the few past that I have had. We were together almost everyday of our blessed lives. It was a sharing of life. He doesn't need material things from me, all that he cares about was how much I loved him. In return there was nothing more that I can give as it seemed he had everything provided for. All that I could give in appreciation of his love was to take care of him and to be as faithful for all that I could. I have never lacked so much sleep in my life during those times. Yet I would still feel great because he took my stress away. He was my refuge. He was my love.

We would spend hours together looking at the clear vast sky dawned by the stars, dreaming of forever, talking of a future acceptance, of many years of togetherness. I recall we were counting the weeks back to how closer we were to our Anniversary. And that is today. We were wishing of years and not months. I will never live to forget the moments we once shared. I am thankful that when he chose to risk and try loving and finding out how it is on the other side of the world he chose me. I know that I am exceptional to him. I am unique. Of all the people that may come into his life, that he may choose to love then and now and in the days to come, I will stand out. I am the ONE. I know he won't forget.

It was a fairy tale.

It was full of uncertainty, he pleaded assurance. He made promises which he cannot keep. As they say, it only takes a boy to make promises but it only takes a man to fulfill those.

Due to circumstances the wonderful relationship has to end. We parted ways. He chose his parents' joy over his personal happiness. I understood that pain. Even I would opt for the greater pleasure of my parents knowing that making them happy will be a blessing for me in the days to come. Though I understood, it was tragic for me. It was such grueling pain to let go someone I love, someone who made me feel so special, he was simply the best I ever had.

The pain made me forget how loved and blessed I am to begin with. That this relationship was simply an icing on top of the cake that I already have. That without this icing the cake was still so grand and tasteful that I already have all that I could ask for. Yes, there is nothing more that I could ask for. And these times were a reality check of who was supporting me to carry on.

October 25 2010, the day after my birthday and few days after arriving from Singapore, we started getting close again. Seeing each other, bonding moments, talking. For two weeks we were trying to be friends. It was not successful. He slipped away. Day after Christmas of 2010 we were together again. Again, that was just it. And finally Summer of this year we have been going out again. This time it was different. I have to give up. We cannot be friends. It took a lot of courage to make that final say. I have to think of the better. We are simply not meant for each other. His generation and definition of a relationship is different from mine. Our worlds are separate entities. His family values and up bringing is totally off from mine. [I believe this was one of the reasons why he loved me - he found the love he was eager to have from me.]

Letting go and moving on is not an easy task. It is not something that I can fast track. I learned that I should not be pushing myself too hard to move on because this only aggravates how I feel. I know that it will come. It may not be now but I know for sure that it will be soon. If moving on for me is taking too long then this brings me into a better position knowing who I am. This is such a positive trait knowing that I have truly loved and gave my best in every relationship that I was into. Who would not want a person like that? I have come to terms with life. I learned to accept the fact that we are no longer together and we cannot bring the past back. I have learned even more that it was just the happy memories gone by; that not for long these happy moments will be back in HIS infinite goodness and mercy. I have to trust. I have to hold on. If he does come in my journey of life then Thank You Lord. If he doesn't then still I am grateful. For these experiences are priceless as these make me a better person. Who am I?

This is such an experience really worth sharing. After all the pain God has showered me with more blessings than I could ever imagine. I have travelled locally and internationally with family and friends. I gained more friends. I joined Aegis PeopleSupport April of this year as their Quality Manager (they welcomed me wholeheartedly and is taking good care of me). The best of my career does not end as I prepare to meet a new challenge with HP Asia Pacific (HK) by August of this year as a Customer Project/Program Manager III (Supplier Quality Manager).

I would like to acknowledge the Lord today for making me this strong. For bringing me this far. For blessing me so much that I could share. I am so grateful that whoever I am today is not just because of this experience but it was all because of HIM.